maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
