Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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