After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
