I'm lost and stupid without you.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
