I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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