Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
