Yo dont text me then not text me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
