her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
