A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize