she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
