god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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