Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
