He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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