smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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