he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
