i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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