i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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