I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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