The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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