I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
