I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
