The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
