Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
