Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
