i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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