You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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