No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
