I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
