Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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