fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
