I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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