Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
