Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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