so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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