My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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