yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
