I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
