oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
