You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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