Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
