is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
