Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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