Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
