I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
