shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
