Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
