When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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