Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
