Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
