worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
