And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
