things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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