my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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