Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
