he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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