He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
