My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
