I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
