I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Randomize
