i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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