You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
should my penis look like a turkey
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize