Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
