i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
