So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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