What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize