On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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