It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize