He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
