Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
