Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
