You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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