wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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