according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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