Just mADE A PArabola og urine
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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