If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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