Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
