Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
