Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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