Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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