You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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