if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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