WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
