I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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