I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
well you can't waste a boner
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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