It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
