We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
