I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
