a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How's work?
Spinning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
