ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
