It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
