I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize