Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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