I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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