nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize