Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
