I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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