community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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